Has my Belly a right to be?
Sitting here in this bar, on this chair, typing on this laptop, drinking this beer, watching those people… This, them, they. And of course, I. Does all that- around me- exist; or do I make it exist? Put differently, do they exist on their own or do they exist because I have decided via my attention process, to grant them existence? Let’s spare ourselves the debate of its absolute existence; what is of interest here is the fact that FOR ME, they do exist.
At precisely this moment I am paying attention to my belly popping out of my pants, the fat “overflowing” and going “overbelt”. According to the previous thought, “Belly" did and does exist in absoluteness BUT NOW that it has entered my consciousness, it just started to exist for me. The second proof of its “human existence” after I have offered it my awareness, is its name: “Belly”. Once I decide to give it a name or a label, I hence mean “out of the chaos I have decided that this phenomenon was firstly- worthy of attention- and secondly, of a specific characteristic that will help me classify it in the Grand Scheme of Things; human reality; Knowledge”. In conjunction with the labelling step comes the defining step, a further proof of the existence– or importance- of the phenomenon. In our case Mister Webster defines the word “belly” as “the enlarged fleshy body of a muscle; a surface or object curved or rounded like a human belly, (…)”. To this ”dry” definition will then be added further details such as its physical causes (eg. unhealthy eating habits and/or aging), its psychological causes (the desired “urban” figure of beauty), its biological aspects, its predictiveness, etc. In brief, a condition exists in your world once you’ve acknowledged it. “You” as a an individual or as a people. And so my belly? It is up to me to make it real or not.
When we apply this perspective to our OCPD analysis and make a link with the previously discussed concept (see article 2), we have in front of us an object of study that is composed of a multitude of layers (or lives). Hence the equation:
In other words there is a phenomenon: a “belly”. The first layer of its existence- its original form- is its physical existence (x) given by Nature in absoluteness. Then we humans grant it its second life: its psychological existence (y+z+a+b+…) in the manner described in the earlier paragraph. For example: I notice I have a belly and it disturbs me. “Society” has already carried out for me the work of being aware of the phenomenon, identifying it, labelling it and defining it. What is yet to be done though, is adding the toppings of my choice! Those toppings are indeed present in society but may or may not be conveyed by its individuals. Western society’s standards of beauty and health standards are only two of those to-be factors. The final stage in the belly-formation phenomenon is the metacognitive layer: “I am not only aware that I have a belly; I am also aware that my belly is able to disturb me and that it affects my everyday life and the perception of myself”.
What happens next along the way is the tricky part of it all: the original phenomenon can then acquire a multiplicity of new functions, new meanings and new roles. Even more interesting: with time and through simple classical conditioning some layers of the equation can become extinct and others stronger. Hence in my belly example, at first I might be deeply and intensely disturbed by the simple sight of my belly; as time goes on though and as I repeat those associations over and over in my mind, I might come to be distressed not by the sight of my belly but by the mere thought of this sight, which in turn could be triggered by an inadvertent touch of the fingers or by the comment of a friend. In this specific case the middle layer undergoes fluctuations in its composition, factor y (disturbing sight) loosing some of its strength while factor z (thought of the disturbing sight) gains in strength. The same process can occur not only within the same layer but also between layers, for example metacognitive factors taking over the psychological factors which were originally the main cause of Mr. OCPD’s concern. In this case it is not necessarily the belly that is bothersome but the metacognitive aspect that becomes truly destructive: Mr. OCPD used to be really annoyed by the sight of his belly but over time has become annoyed more by the fact that his mind cannot focus properly than on the belly itself. Through a similar process and repeated reinforced associations, Mr. OCPD can end up with a totally new “OCPD outcome”:
1- First Mr. OCPD is bothered by the sight of his belly for whatever reasons they can be (factors, y, z, a, b, …).
2- This creates high levels of anxiety.
3- He realises that this anxiety is being an obstacle to his concentration, for example at work.
4- He then starts wondering about his mental sanity.
5- Mr. OCPD comes to notice that the main stimuli triggering this dysfunctional process are the following: when taking a shower and forcefully coming into visual contact with his body AND at work when sitting down on his chair in the office, feeling his belt tightening his belly.
6- With time and through those varied and repeated associations, he starts to fear showers and the action of sitting at his desk in the office. “To fear” might be a bit of a strong description here but what I really mean is that Mr. OCPD knows beforehand that those specific moments will trigger anxiety and that it will take him a while to “push it away” in order to focus on constructive tasks at hand. This apprehension is part of the metacognitive aspect of the equation.
7- With time the relation (belly --> not sexy and not healthy --> anxiety) becomes as simplistic as (belly --> bad!), no space for pondering “being allowed”.
8- The original discomfort, the belly, is therefore substituted by the shower and the action of sitting at the desk (or whatever else finds its way into the relation). The belly is not necessarily the primarily concern anymore, but those second-hand stimuli.
With the gradual disappearance of these initial or middle stimuli along the way, you can imagine that it becomes extremely “dangerous” as practically anything can become an object of discomfort. Even more alarming: this happens at an exponentially accelerating speed as more and more stimuli in the environment become triggers. That is actually how I felt at one point in my life and believe me, it was greatly disturbing. You literally feel like you are going crazy for a moment, until you are finally able to carry out a coup d’état to your mind. I had the feeling that sooner or later everything in my environment would become triggering stimuli, like an infection spreading itself through my mind. Luckily I was able, on time, to prevent this from happening.
What is also fascinating with those convoluted thinking loops is that as some links (associations) gradually disappear and others appear along the way, the thinking process becomes devoid of logic to the external observer: if Mr. OCPD explains to a friend that his tight-belt sensation makes him anxious, the friend will most probably think that this is just crazy and totally illogical. However in fact, there is logic along the way, it is there somewhere in Mr. OCPD’s brain; the missing links only need to be revived and the pieces of the puzzle put back together.